I am very mad at myself. Yesterday I was trying to get dressed for a retirement party and none of my dresses were fitting properly. Yes, I managed to get them on, but they were hugging my body in all the wrong places. They were bunching around my belly and my hips and were definitely NOT flattering at all. I spent so much time and money making a new wardrobe and it’s all gone to waste.
I’ve worked too freaking hard to let it all go to hell. I’ve already gained 30lbs from what I lost in 2010. There, I said it. I wanted to avoid that statement for the rest of my life, but it has become apparent that if I don’t start doing something soon, it will become 40lbs, then 50lbs and maybe more.
So as I’ve said above, I am MAD at myself. I am past the point of disappointment and am just plain angry. I am totally ashamed of myself. I am supposed to be stronger than this. I am supposed to know what to eat and how to treat my body. Apparently I just like to abuse myself. It’s disgusting. I’ve stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings and I only exercise once a week, if that. I don’t know why I’ve let myself go so far. I knew when I gained 10lbs, that I had to smarten up. Then when I reached 20lbs, I just wanted to not think about it and finally, now and 30lbs, I am horrified. I feel out of control and I don’t know if I can reign myself back in.
One thing I have started to do is ride my bike to work. It saves on gas and I am getting exercise that I probably wouldn’t be getting otherwise. I enjoy the ride in the morning. It gets my blood pumping and gives me more energy for the day. It’s a little harder to ride home after work as I’m tired from being on my feet all day, but I manage. It only takes me about half an hour each way and I burn around 600 calories. I have also thought about stopping at the gym on the way home and doing a little extra exercise on the elliptical or something. I have yet to take the turn off to the gym, but it might happen one of these days.
So I am committing to getting back on track, to stop going to Mcdonald’s, to exercise as much as possible and to keep myself accountable. I know I can do this as I’ve done it before!
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