Dec 14

Sat '13

Pathetic fat girl

That girl I used to know is back. That pathetic fat one. You know, the one I tried so hard to be rid of.

Today is one of those days where I just feel so BLAH and depressed. I have let my whole weight thing get way out of hand. I have gained more weight than I would like to admit and I just don’t know how to stop. I thought I had reached my lowest point, but I seem to keep digging deeper anyway. It’s a sad life when I stop at A&W for chicken fingers and fries for breakfast at 7:30 in the morning. I mean, what kind of normal person does that?! Why would I stoop to that level? Why am I sabotaging myself? I have so much regret.

I have a hatred for the gym right now too. I used to spend hours and hours there when I initially lost all my weight. I made it a priority and I didn’t mind, AT ALL. It was my release. I was able to have time to myself and it was wonderful. Why am I neglecting this to myself now? I have no answers and I don’t know how to stop.

If I don’t magically get back on the band wagon before Christmas (which is an even harder task), it is my intention to sign up for Weight Watchers again come January. It might be a little difficult at first as my Mom and I usually go together and she will be away for all of January. However, if she wants to, she can join me again in February when she is back from her vacation.

I mean what else can I do? Is there a magical method that will help me get back to eating right and exercising? Should I be taking pictures of every meal I consume? Should I create a food twitter and tweet every meal? What could be the solution to hold me accountable for what I put in my mouth?

I realize no one wants to read a blog about a pathetic fat girl who used to be fat then got skinny and then fat again. I’m sorry that I am posting this, but I really had to get it out. My clothes don’t fit and I feel awful. Ugh. Life is really hard when there are so many temptations out there.

The time has come to do something about it. Less talk and more action!

Filed under: Weight Watchers
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6 Responses to “Pathetic fat girl”

  • Kirsten
    December 15, 2013 @ 7:17 pm

    I’ve gone back and forth since I hit about 20-22 with my weight, anywhere from 125to over 200. I know how frustrating it can be.

    I am in a similar situation right now. I think I am at about 180-185 and staying there. My boyfriend and I have a membership to the Canada Games Center (gym, pool, water slides, etc) and we just don’t go. It’s been a waste of money so far.

    I know how hard it is to push yourself to loose it, to get the motivation to go to the gym, to buy and consume healthier foods, to resist A&W, McDonalds, etc. It’s not an easy task.

    Maybe a diary for yourself (online or off) that is personal and no one else has access to, or only people who are also in the same boat, so that you have some encouragement and support. I am thinking about doing this and tracking my starting weight, my goal and how I am doing it. Who knows it could be inspiration for someone else some day

  • Liz
    December 15, 2013 @ 9:57 pm

    I struggle with being okay with the weight I’m at; it’s often difficult for me to be okay with eating a lot and even not eating much. With diets and eating healthier, however, I’ve realized that it takes not referring to it as a diet and/or quitting cold turkey all the “bad” things because craving something only makes you want it more. If you want fries and chicken fingers, take them home and make a salad! Have the fries as a side and cut up the chicken fingers, then put into a salad. 🙂 Not only does it satisfy your craving, but the greens from the salad help fill you up and the protein from the chicken helps you stay fuller longer, leaving you with some fries for a special treat! (Forgive me, it’s from an old Seventeen magazine that this advice came from. :x)

    Good luck! 🙂

  • Cathrine
    December 16, 2013 @ 2:34 am

    This is your blog and you shouldn’t be sorry for anything you post. If you need to get it out, this is the right place to do just that! *hugs*

    Why did WW work for you the first time? Was it because you wrote a food diary and kept track of calories in and out every day? Was it because you had report to someone each week? Was it because you just got to that point where you needed to change? Can you use any of the techniques you learned there on your own?

    Why *are* you sabotaging for yourself? You say less talk and more action, but maybe you need more talk *and* more action? More talk to figure out all these questions you’re asking yourself before you can change again.

    If there’s anything at all I can do to help you, let me know. If not, know that there’s at least one person across the pond who cares about you and cheers for you and knows you can do it! 🙂

  • Cristina
    December 17, 2013 @ 12:32 pm

    Oh Carolynne! 🙁 You and I are exactly in the same boat. I am currently 30lbs over where my start weight was when I first joined Weight Watchers back in 2008. Even when I quit last year and rejoined at the beginning this year, I have nothing to show for it other than I gained 8lbs.

    So yeah, I totally know how you feel. Before I started Weight Watchers I tried the Flat Belly Diet. I went shopping last night for all the items to do their 3-day jumpstart which is kind of like a detox, so I’m hoping this will kind of shake me back into things.

    Maybe you and I can motivate each other and hold each other accountable in some way? I don’t know, but I just want you to know you are NOT alone in this!

  • Cat
    December 17, 2013 @ 3:48 pm

    Don’t feel sorry for posting about it! I’m sure it’s something a lot of us can relate to. I undid some of my weight loss as well, due to vacation and then Thanksgiving. It truly is frustrating, and I totally need to start working out again.

    Counting calories actually helped me the most in the past. It made me more aware of what I was eating, and I made it a daily goal to be under a certain calorie count. I think I might have to go back to that. (I stopped counting earlier this year.)

    I hope you’re feeling better about this, and good luck with your weight loss goals!

  • Ongaku
    December 23, 2013 @ 1:36 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you are strugling so much over this.

    I have been gaining like crazy lately too because of being tired and moody all the time, plus all the pills and steriods I have been on. I keep telling myself to not let it get to far but then I never do anything about it.

    It’s hard! So I really feel you on this. *pats*

    There are many things to try and do that might not seem so severe. Like if you drink soda, cut it down to as little as possible until you can get to a point to where it might be none. (I’m strugling with this one)

    At this point I’m just trying to stick with eating healthier things rather than just eating less and go from there. Hoping it gives me more energy.

    Counting calories works but it can also be frustrating because then you are just thinking about your next meal and just how much you can actually eat.

    The hardest thing is just to try and keep busy as much as possible to keep mind of of food. Oh how I wish I still could do that.

    Good luck with it!

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