I have wanted to write this post for almost 2 years. I never have because I haven’t wanted to air my dirty laundry on this blog. Also writing it down makes it all so real. However, it has affected me so deeply that I simply need to share and get some advice. Please be prepared, this is a long one.
I have this friend. A best friend. We have been friends ever since we were 7 years old. That is almost 20 years. We laughed a couple years ago because our relationship actually became legal when it turned 18. Those are the kind of things we joke about and have fun with. We understand each other. We often have the same wave length in thoughts and can so often finish each other’s sentences. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We used to hang out all the time when we were younger and lived a block away from each other. It was fun and easy. We were like two peas in a pod. When I got a job at 14, she only lasted a month before she followed me and started work at the same place as well. She was bored out of her mind without a playmate on the weekends. She was the person I grew up with. She knows me. She was the maid of honour at my wedding and I was so happy to have her stand up there with me.
Over the years, things have changed. We have grown up and our lives have become vastly different than when we were kids. No, we don’t live a block away from each other anymore and with different things going on in our lives, it becomes increasingly difficult to get together. However, we have always manage dto make time for each other. That is until the past year or two. We still work at the same place, so we do see each other every weekend, but we don’t have time to chat because we are working. Plus, with everyone else around, we can’t talk about anything really personal.
Trying to get a hold of her is frustrating. I call her and she never answers. Then she’ll text me back a few hours later giving me an excuse why she didn’t answer and asking me what’s up. Now let me say this, I like texting. I prefer it over talking on the phone in most circumstances. However, there are times when I would just like to chat over the phone. So when I do call, obviously I don’t want a text back. She just doesn’t get it. I am sick of calling her and getting no answer.
In some ways, I feel a little used in our friendship. She always has time to text me when she wants praise for something that happened in her life or when she wants to complain about her family or work. Once in a while she will ask something about me, but it is only after she has exhausted her drama. She will text me at random times just to brag or bitch. I used to love hearing from her, but now I am just getting tired of hearing the same old crap. Either do something about it or stop complaining. Seriously.
We have made so many plans to get together month after month and yet we haven’t actually done it in ages. She has cancelled every single one of our dates. Not me, HER. Our latest date was supposed to be on Wednesday. We arranged it on Saturday and we were going to have dinner and possibly see a movie. I said to myself and to Peter that I bet she was going to cancel. I just had a feeling. However, she texted me about 3 times leading up to Wednesday saying that she was excited. That gave me positive feelings about our date. Low and behold come Wednesday morning and she cancelled. AGAIN. She always has an excuse. Whether it be she’s not feeling well, something is wrong with her dog, her fiancee needs her or something of the like. She is pushing me away. I don’t even know if she knows what she is doing. She is losing a friend and I don’t know if our relationship can be repaired.
About a year in a half ago she had a little bit of a break down. What with school and other things in her life, she just couldn’t handle things. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. She was put on heavy medication and had to see a psychiatrist a couples times a week. Now that she has learned about her disease and that so many of her symptoms are explained by it, she is doing very well. She is aware what she can do without having an anxiety attack. Because of her disease, I feel like I can’t even try to approach her with my little issues. I don’t want to stress her out. I want to be there for her to let her stress out, not cause more of it. However, relationships cannot be only one sided. Our new relationship has made me increasingly stressed out and is actually breaking my heart. I don’t want to lose my best friend but I also do not feel as if we are actually best friends any more. I don’t feel as important to her anymore.
She developed a new friendship with another person and I honestly used to be jealous of this new friend because the two of them seemed to be hanging out all the time. I felt as if she was replacing our friendship. Then the new friend became a little obsessive. Wanting to come over all the time and just spend hours together sitting and doing nothing. Texting hundreds of times a day as well. My friend would come to me to bitch about her and how annoying she was. Although she wasn’t quite brave enough to tell this new friend that she didn’t want a relationship like that. I learned what not to do in our friendship and felt like I needed to pull myself away. I didn’t want to be the friend that was complained about. I always wanted to be the person that she came to when she needed to get away from everyone else. Unfortunately, I may have pulled away too far? I don’t know. I think there was a tear in our relationship long before this new friendship.
I have been brought to tears so much in the last little while when I think about our friendship. I am getting to the point where I don’t even want to talk to her at work because I am so upset and she is so oblivious. I keep trying to get together with her to explain how I feel but she ALWAYS cancels on our dates. I never have a chance to get her one on one. It is becoming increasingly impossible to talk with her. She probably doesn’t even see what is happening and that makes me even sadder. How can she not see that she is losing a friend?! A best friend.
So if you made it all the way down here, thank you. Thank you for reading and listening. My heart hurts so much right now and I know I need to tell her how I feel. If I can’t explain to her, then there is no one I can ever tell. Seriously, we are supposed to be sisters. I want to tell her how I feel and try to mend this breaking friendship.
What can I say to her to make our relationship better? Any advice is helpful. I’m desperate and heartbroken and I am hoping it can only get better from here.
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