Seriously, I don’t know if it’s my hormones from this pregnancy or if my perspective has just changed, but my emotions can be so eruptible these days. Let me explain…
For the past few weeks I’ve had an urge to watch Titanic. I have seen the movie literally hundreds of times and I’d realized it’d been quite a while since I’d watched it. It was my favourite movie for a while (until Notting Hill came along) and I can recite most parts word for word. So last night, I finally decided to put it on.
I could not stop crying. I am not talking about a few tears running down my cheeks, I am talking about all out sobbing and bawling. It was horrible. I know what happens in the movie and there are no surprises, but this time, I seemed to have a different perspective on parts of the movie. The parts that really got to my heart were basically every scene with a child “in peril.” Whether it’s the lady and the baby asking the captain where they should go, or the mother telling her kids a bedtime story, or the woman holding her son at the stern of the ship telling him it will be over soon. I simply could not handle it.
After some thought, through many more tears of course and talking it over with Peter, I think my reactions are different now because I am a parent. I understand how much it means to love a child and have that child love you in return. They are so innocent and in the face of tragedy, it’s their parents or even a grown up they look to for help and security. They don’t understand what is happening and what horrible things are in their future. They look to us grown ups to be taken care of. They put 100% of their trust in us as parents and we try so hard not to disappoint. I feel for the parents of any child who has to go through tragedy and unfortunately, sometimes it’s the parents who are involved or the cause the tragedy. I also saw Pete’s Dragon yesterday and I couldn’t stop myself from crying because of events that happened to Pete.
Anyway, being a parent is definitely the best thing I could have ever imagined for my life, even if it comes with excess emotions. I would never ever want to go back to life without kids. It is so fulfilling and rewarding. I know now that I would do anything for my Ezri and my baby-to-be. My job is to protect them and always put them first and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
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