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carolynne, female, seventeen, cancer, taken by
peter, grade twelve, calgary, proud canadian, hyper, funny, talkative, movies, websites, queer as folk, harry potter, switchfoot, elijah wood
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Ever wonder……
- Why the sun lightens your hair but darkens your skin?
- Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why you don’t ever see the headline "psychic wins lottery"?
- Why abbreviated is such a long word?
- Why doctors call what they do "practice"
- Why you have to click on "start" to stop windows 98?
- Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
- Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
- Why there isn’t mouse flavored cat food
- Who tastes dog food when it has a "new and improved" flavor?
- Why Noah didn’t swat those 2 misquitoes
- Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injection?
- Why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
- Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
- Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If con is the opposites of pro is congress the opposite of progress?
- Why they call the airport the "terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a sears hairdryer: do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: you could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of dial soap: directions: use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: serving suggestion: defrost.
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): do not turn upside down.
On Mark’s & Spencer bread pudding: product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: do not iron cloths on body.
On boot’s children cough Medicine: do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medicine.
On Nytol sleep aid: warning may cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Xmas lights; for indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: not to be used for the other use.
On a Sudbury’s peanuts: warning contains nuts. (Talk about news flash).
On a child’s superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chainsaw: do no attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
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