A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "Price check on lane thirteen, Tampax, supersize." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the storeapparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over theintercom: "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords...

1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

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