Jul 4

Thu '13

Mad at myself

I am very mad at myself. Yesterday I was trying to get dressed for a retirement party and none of my dresses were fitting properly. Yes, I managed to get them on, but they were hugging my body in all the wrong places. They were bunching around my belly and my hips and were definitely NOT flattering at all. I spent so much time and money making a new wardrobe and it’s all gone to waste.

I’ve worked too freaking hard to let it all go to hell. I’ve already gained 30lbs from what I lost in 2010. There, I said it. I wanted to avoid that statement for the rest of my life, but it has become apparent that if I don’t start doing something soon, it will become 40lbs, then 50lbs and maybe more.

So as I’ve said above, I am MAD at myself. I am past the point of disappointment and am just plain angry. I am totally ashamed of myself. I am supposed to be stronger than this. I am supposed to know what to eat and how to treat my body. Apparently I just like to abuse myself. It’s disgusting. I’ve stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings and I only exercise once a week, if that. I don’t know why I’ve let myself go so far. I knew when I gained 10lbs, that I had to smarten up. Then when I reached 20lbs, I just wanted to not think about it and finally, now and 30lbs, I am horrified. I feel out of control and I don’t know if I can reign myself back in.

One thing I have started to do is ride my bike to work. It saves on gas and I am getting exercise that I probably wouldn’t be getting otherwise. I enjoy the ride in the morning. It gets my blood pumping and gives me more energy for the day. It’s a little harder to ride home after work as I’m tired from being on my feet all day, but I manage. It only takes me about half an hour each way and I burn around 600 calories. I have also thought about stopping at the gym on the way home and doing a little extra exercise on the elliptical or something. I have yet to take the turn off to the gym, but it might happen one of these days.

So I am committing to getting back on track, to stop going to Mcdonald’s, to exercise as much as possible and to keep myself accountable. I know I can do this as I’ve done it before!

Filed under: Personal, Weight Watchers
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6 Responses to “Mad at myself”

  • Kylie
    July 5, 2013 @ 9:24 am

    YOU CAN DO THIS! Being angry means you KNOW you have it in you to accomplish your goals and that they’re important to you!

    Don’t give up!

  • Lissy
    July 5, 2013 @ 10:14 am

    Hey now, you’re being a bit hard on yourself don’t you think? OK, you let yourself go a little, but you realize where you went wrong and you’re determined to make positive changes 🙂

    It’s awesome that you ride your bike to work! If you’re trying to fit in more exercise, is it possible to do it in the morning when you have more energy and willpower? I also like to walk during my lunch break. Easy way to get in a little more activity.

    Small changes at a time are more easily sustainable. I suggest making one goal you know you can stick with for the next couple of weeks.

  • Kalliste
    July 7, 2013 @ 5:38 am

    I know how you feel! I’ve noticed my pants getting tighter and my boobs getting bigger and yet I keep right on snacking!

    I walk to work which makes me feel a bit better but I really have to cut down on the snacks.

    I’ve considered joining a gym nearby too but just can’t make myself do it.

    Good luck with getting those pounds down again 🙂

  • Agent Q
    July 7, 2013 @ 10:42 pm

    I understand that frustration all too well. During the first 2 years of college, I gained 30 pounds. I lost 20 after spending my semester abroad in Italy during fall of my 3rd year. Hoping to keep the weight off, I began working out and lost 10 pounds. Now, the number fluctuates; give or take 5 pounds. From this, you can say that I’m back to my pre-college weight, but fitter due to more muscle mass. How did I do this? I actually use workout videos on youtube that emphasize weight training and resistance. It seems like what’s causing your regression is metabolism. I think focusing on strength training helps that by a lot. You need muscles above all else and before effectively burning fat off with cardio.

    I have several recommendations. Search for them on yt and you should find them.
    – Tae Bo
    – Enviga Boot Camp Calorie Burn
    – Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred

    Good luck! 🙂

  • Cat
    July 8, 2013 @ 12:15 am

    I know the feeling! I’ve been gaining weight lately, and I hate it. I was doing well earlier this year too, so now I’m determined to get back on track.

    I think riding your bike to work is a great start! That’s something I wish I could do, but my work is too far away and requires using the highway to reach. Good luck with it! You can do it!

  • Emily
    July 8, 2013 @ 5:00 pm

    Losing weight is always a lot harder for women than for men, and the older one gets the harder it is to take it off, believe me I know from personal experience.

    At leas you have taken the step and admitted it to yourself, even though you think it, you say it to yourself but you don’t proclaim it as you have done, good for you.

    You have begun already, you ride your bike, how about taking a walk after dinner, that is probably the time one feels the laziest hehe, if you have a dog more of a reason, if you don’t get one, gives you reason to go for a walk 🙂

    Good luck on your journey, and thank you for the kind words you left on my blog, very much appreciated! Take care


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